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Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Melinda Doolittle Story, An American Idol Conspiracy Theory

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An in-depth special report! Haha.

It's good Melinda got the axe last night. I hate to say it, but the ho is more than likely NOT going to be successful! Call me a hater if you wanna, I'm sure you may have before. But more than anything else, I'd like to be proven wrong. I'd like to see Melinda sell at least 3 million records and show us all how it's done, but she's not hawt.

It's not like I'm superficial, cough; but if you go back and track the history of American Idol, only the hot or the cute ones sell the records. Case in point:

Season1 winner: Kelly Clarkson - first album was minorly successful, movie with Justin Guarini flopped, only gained success when she dropped the pounds, changed her sound, then dyed her hair blonde.

Season 2 winner: Ruben Studdard - he was just too big and voters aren't buyers. American Idol viewers favor very commercial pop music, not soulful r&b.

Season 3 winner: Fantasia Barrino - homegirl is not cute therefore she did not sell records! Had to turn to Oprah to place her on Broadway.

Season 4 winner: Carrie Underwood - I love that she's country. Yes, she can sing but my point is, that's only worth 50% (or more) as far as influencing sales. Carrie's real pretty and she's selling like crazy, picking up awards left and right.

Season 5 winner: Taylor Hicks - no one cares about his stage presence. He's been having trouble selling concert tickets and his album flopped. People voted for him as a joke. I like that he doesn't dye his hair and he's not ugly but he's definitely not hot either, therefore, he doesn't sell.

Season 6's loser: Melinda Doolittle - if Melinda won, just like Fantasia she wouldn't sell. The entire season she looked like a 65-year-old woman on her way back from church. Why the eff does she look so old and stalky? Bad genes! She has the pipes, but only time will tell if America will put their superficial preferences to the side and start paying attention to the voice.

In no particular order, most successful runners-up:

Chris Daughtry - was very serious about his career, came out with rock music. He did everything right and he's probably really happy he didn't win. By the way, he's also easy on the eyes.

Clay Aiken - his records are multiplatinum. He's got the gays and dedicated Claymates. His personality is awesome, but he's not fugly either.

Katharine McPhee - she's gorgeous. Dunno how far her singing career will go, but she could definitely go into modeling and acting, it's about the looks.

Jennifer Hudson - is doing good cuz she cleaned up, dropped a ton of weight and branched out from music into the acting scene. NOW people are paying attention to her voice because she won an Oscar! However, if she didn't get casted in Dreamgirls and didn't lose weight, the public would be saying she needs to work on her fitness and no one would be giving her or her music the time of day.

Kellie Pickler - had to get breast implants to gain some attention. And as she said, once she confirms or denies it, no one will give a shit. Bitch is smart!!

Not so successful runner-up:

Diana DeGarmo - her album flopped. She's cute, but not sexy.

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