Britney Spears Is Not Pregnant

Brit's a hillbilly and she probably spells 'condom' c-o-n-d-e-m, so I had a genuine reason to be concerned.

Britney Spears' manager, Larry Rudolph, tells Us Weekly that "Britney is not pregnant," calling a recent tabloid report claiming that Spears is expecting "absurd."

Rudolph tells Us that he believes that the "ridiculous" report came from an incident last week in which Spears' new boyfriend, Isaac Cohen, accidentally wiped peanut butter on his t-shirt while in the company of Spears. Observers wrongly concluded she had vomited, and thus was experiencing morning sickness.

"Because Isaac didn't lick the peanut butter off his fingers, someone decided that it must not be peanut butter, but must instead be Britney's vomit," Rudolph joked. "Ridiculous."

What's ridiculous is that Britney's new man looks like Kevin Federline, and we all know how fertile he is. And it's ridiculous that everyone believed she was preggers. The slut has a horrible track record.

Britney probably tells her men,
'You can just stick it in right thur! What's a condom hunny? We ain't gotta use one a those. Feels good. This is what they call a 'country fuck!'